Over the last 8 months or so I have not been feeling well. I found it hard to describe. My physical symptoms included tiredness, muscle fatigue, joint pain, weight gain and swelling in my face. I also felt like all my muscles were being separated from my bones and that I needed internal lubrication. I was drying up from the inside out.
At first, I thought these symptoms were due to ongoing grief. I was grieving because I lost dear and beloved family members over the last few years. Grief has a way of infusing itself on your physical, emotional and spiritual well being. Or, is it symptomatic of normal aging/post menopause? Nothing felt normal about these symptoms.
I know I have not been adhering to my regular self care. I also have not maintained healthy habits over these last 8 months or so. But nothing about this felt familiar to me.
I decided to visit my internist for advice. He listened, which he always does, and suggested some blood work. Fourteen vials of blood and a few days later, I had a diagnosis that I was totally unprepared for. I think most people are not prepared to hear any type of diagnosis. I now have an autoimmune disease (Hashimoto Disease) that clearly explains all my symptoms.
These symptoms were playing havoc on my own ageist thoughts, as well. I felt I was getting older too soon. And because menopause if finally having it’s moment in the sun of collective consciousness; I thought it was menopause related. I have been in post menopause for over 12 years. My symptoms are not menopause related, but my mind was believing it to be so. Here is a great example of reading too much social media!
During this time, I was thinking about posting more video content to support my business, I’m Not Done Yet co. I was embarrassed. I no longer looked my usual vibrant self. How can I show up looking like this? Oh the self doubt and self judgment showed up incessantly. My confidence took a long road trip out the window.
I am 67 years old. Until now, I have never received a significant medical diagnosis. I know I am lucky. The diagnosis will be with me for the rest of my life. It is chronic. It is not life ending or shortening. I have been diagnosed with a few issues in the past, but this landed differently.
It has taken me about 4 months to come to terms with my new normal. I decided to use some of my own tools and techniques. I aimed to reframe my attitude about self and aging. I also focused on chronic disease and health.
I now have some clarity and some specific life style changes that I can try to make to feel better. I also needed to find ways to embrace what is now my new normal. I will have aches, pains and disappointments that will show up. I am learning to live alongside of these. I no longer let it get in the way of my engaging and vibrant life!
How did I do this, you ask? It took a lot of introspection and patience. It wasn’t and it isn’t easy. I knew there were steps I could take to illuminate possibilities in my life. I knew that simple suggestions were so much easier to absorb during this crisis. My brain was on overload, and my emotions were running higher than usual. It took awhile for me to get out of my own way. So, here are my personal tools and strategies that have helped me navigate this transition. I have found my way back to my life of relevance, resilience and remarkableness:
- As often as I can, before sleep I read a short prayer or poem about gratitude. Sometimes I say it out loud, and sometimes I say it silently. Or I say one to three things I am thankful for, i.e., body and my mind.
- My goal is daily meditation/yoga with swimming, biking and weight training a few days of the week to mitigate my anxiety.
- Remind myself to minimize the foods that are inflammatory to me. This is hard for me. Interestingly, the usual culprits of bread, pasta, dairy and sweets are not inflammatory when eaten in France.
- I continue to look for ways to be of service to others; this has always been my way. Research has proven that this is effective in mitigating rumination, anxiety and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. Plus, you will get a wonderful feeling of accomplishment.
- Remind myself I am not too old. It is not too late to lead my relevant, resilient, radiant, and remarkable life. If you tell me you can’t, you’re too old, or you’re afraid, I will tell you that you can. You can still show up. Whatever your excuse, you can feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, fearful, or less than. Yet, you can still push your boundaries and achieve something. I learned how to swim at age 60 and completed my first triathlon at the same time.
I now walk alongside my disease. I am leaning on my strengths and resilience to do what I do best. This is not about thriving through change. This is not about defining a future vision. It is showing up each day and being here. It is harder now. So what?
“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt
Remember, it is possible to create or find magical moments times of uncertainty and fear. Magic happens in the middle of the mess.
Who Stole My Estrogen? 