About The Other Night

A few nights ago, I had the privilege of being honored as one of the 2023 Lung Force Heroes. Standing alongside these amazing humans of survivors was a gift. A gift I wish I didn’t receive. 

I am grateful to my friend Lori. for asking me to serve. It was a way for me to process the grief of losing my sister, Debra and focus on raising much needed funds for the American Lung Association. 

The planning committee and the staff at the American Lung Association: South Florida did a beautiful job of curating an impactful and successful event.

I had to take a moment and go outside. The hotel venue was located right on the beach. There was a beautiful rainbow in the sky over the ocean. It was beautiful. All those we have lost were smiling down on us from heaven.

I did have moments of joy. I even opted to have some sparkle added to my ensemble. I am glad my plus one was there to support me (and we matched too). 

As I walked in the Light The Way Luminary Procession into the ballroom, I began crying. I couldn’t stop. I was filled with emotions of remembrance of both my mother and my sister. Both died from metastatic lung cancer.

The following morning, I felt a little sense of relief. It has been almost six months since Debra died, and for the first time I felt I good breathe a little. We’re going to be ok. Our small family will be ok.

Then my nephew, her only child, texted me a photo of the completed headstone. I wish he would have given me a heads up. OMG I first looked at it and it didn’t register. She is laid to rest right next to our mother. The design is the same. I looked at the image again, and wham it felt like a punch to the gut. I know she died but this was the period at the end of the sentence. The final point of exclamation.

I thought I was doing ok, then I spiraled back to feeling a great big sadness. The cumulations of my immediate family’s losses and illnesses over the past few years has imprinted on me a heaviness that I can’t put into words. Within the last three years we have lost my mother in law, my father in law had a stroke and had to move to assisted living, my dad’s health continues to decline, my younger brother had a stroke and my sister died. And did I mention in the midst of all this we moved twice. To say, I am exhausted is an understatement.

For me, there are only a few ways to process grief: time, sunlight, prayer and volunteering. Because we have a very small family and I am fairly new to the local community, I felt alone in my grief. Once I got involved with the local American Lung Association, I was able to channel my grief externally. It helped so much.

Doing good may not feel good in the moment but it feels good to step outside of your grief and be of service and support to the greater cause.