Does Almost Count?

 

Many years ago I was lucky. Today, I feel lucky again.

When I think about the recent tragedies in Paris, Lebanon and many places in the world, I am reminded of how lucky I truly am.

We were just in Paris on vacation less than two weeks before the terror attack. We came home thinking about when we would return to Paris. Even after the attacks, we both agreed that if our plans were scheduled shortly after the tragic events, we would still have gone to Paris.

We could have been there on Friday, November 13th if our plans were only slightly altered. These terrorist attacks had impacted me in a way I wasn’t prepared for. I was scared and I was anxious.

The recent events brought me back to my feelings and emotions surrounding 9/11. Only one or two steps away from tragedy. I lived in NYC on 9/11. I was asked to work a consulting project  in one of the twin towers on that day. I was unavailable for the assignment. The person who replaced me on the assignment died. I didn’t find out until a few weeks after the tragedy.

Weeks and months after 9/11, I was still experiencing the aftermath. I had what I diagnosed as situational agoraphobia. I was afraid to go outside, afraid to ride the subway, afraid of well, everything and everyone. It took a lot of courage, determination and mindful breathing to get me through. Eventually I was able to move on, though not forgetting.

I also recall the summer of 1977 and the serial killer known as the Son of Sam. I was in a bar one summer evening and David Berkowitz, aka Son of Sam, tried to gain entry but was turned away by the bouncers at the door. I didn’t find out until days later when he was finally captured. Again, so close.

It has now been a few weeks since that horrific night in Paris. It has taken me almost three weeks to understand my feelings. I had not been sleeping soundly. I had been eating too much chocolate. I have been weepy. I know I am a sensitive soul by nature, and things affect me sometimes more than others.

Many people are fortunate to not experience the direct impact of such hatred and  heinous acts of violence. Many are not so fortunate. For me, it was too close.

One of the most important lessons for me from these events, is to live each and everyday courageously. Yes, we maybe afraid. Yes, we maybe angry. Yes, we maybe anxious.  So, what? We each need to be the source of strength for ourselves and for each other.

We can live ourselves looking backwards and asking ‘what if’. Or we can lives our lives in the present and be open, anxious, aware, afraid, engaged, and courageous

If you are lucky to live long enough, then you too probably have ‘almost’ experiences. How have these experiences influenced your life today? Don’t let your legacy of almosts take you away from living your life.

Yes, almost counts because it has reminded me, again, that je ne suis pas encore fini (i’m not done yet).