Forgiveness is grace that defies logic.
I got beat up in the 5th grade. We had moved from one neighborhood to another in NYC and I had to go to a different elementary school. After the first day of school, two classmates followed me to the street and started to beat me up. I remember them yelling at me. I remember to this day feeling afraid. I ran home. They were two black girls. The next day my parents went to the principal. I don’t remember what happened in the principal’s office, but it made a difference. They did not attempt to beat me after that. Was it bullying? Was it racism? Or was it something else?
I was in grad school in Kentucky, I had two unfortunate experiences of anti- semitism. I rented an apartment in a private house owned by what appeared to be a very nice upper middle class couple. After about six months of living there, the landlady began saying very colorful, inappropriate things about a young man who lived in another rental of hers across the street. The young man was Jewish. She was happy he wasn’t living in ‘her’ house. I was appalled. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t say I was Jewish too. I was angry but I didn’t say anything. There were only 4 other Jewish people living in that community at the time. I remember having to drive to Nashville to attend synagogue.
A few months afterwards, I was driving my car with a NY license plate through the town square. Right in the middle of the day was a KKK rally. Men covered in white sheets carrying banners of hate. When I stopped at the light, a man shoved his hand in my car and left a hate flyer. I was scared. I so wanted to yell I am Jewish get this propaganda away from me, but I didn’t.
When I look back on these two experiences in grad school, I am disappointed that I didn’t have the courage at the time to speak up. Now I would never ever tolerate that kind of behavior.
Many years later, right after 9/11 I started travelling globally for my job with Citigroup. I remember landing at Heathrow and being treated horribly by local customs, most appeared of Middle Eastern/Northern African descent. I was aggressively patted down, my entire luggage searched and I was spoken to in a manner the opposite of polite. My country was attacked and do I look like a terrorist?
Later that same day after checking in to our hotels on Piccadilly, my colleagues came to me and suggested I don’t leave my room for a bit as they feared for my safety. I large anti-Israel protest was happening on the street. My colleagues were all men, representing different ethnic backgrounds, and I remember them all so fondly. They knew I was not someone who kept quiet when others were being ridiculed, embarrassed, shamed, intimidated, or harassed.
These experiences clearly have imprinted on me. I do not hate. I sometimes get angry but I do not retaliate. Fear no longer guides my actions and behavior. I am a Jewish woman from NY who believes with all her heart that everyone, EVERYONE has the right to be.
Who Stole My Estrogen? 